A very short story on everything you need to know about men's belts

A few years ago, we had a 1st year analyst walk across the trading floor with a Gucci ‘G’ belt buckle.  “Hey bubba, I didn’t know The Gap made belts,” bellows out a trader. “Um, it’s Gucci,” the kid snaps back.  The words are barely out of his mouth before he realizes he’s being mocked in front of half a dozen guys and just made it a lot worse.  That was all it took; the kid was never able to earn even a modicum of respect after that, and ended up leaving the firm less than a year later.

- courtesy of GS Elevator

Things a man should know about fashion

"Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society" - Mark Twain

"If people turn to look at you on the street, you are not well dressed" - Beau Brummel

1. A man in a good suit and a tie looks chic;

a man in a good suit without a tie looks more chic.

....come to think of it, a MAN who uses the word "chic" had better be kidding around

2. Jeans must never meet an iron. Buy yourself a pair of designer jeans and you will see why.

3. There is no foot pain so severe, no dress shoe so fragile, no commute so arduous, as to justify the sin that is wearing trainers with a suit.

4. Never button the bottom button on a waistcoat.

no one really knows why...

5. Sergio Valente put it best when he said "How you look tells the world how you feel."

6. It is never acceptable for a person of the male persuasion to wear a fur coat - not raccoon, not fox, not mink. * think Kanye West. really...

7. Certain men's coats, however, can tolerate having their collars trimmed in a short, subdued fur.

8. The trenchcoat, while an excellent raincoat and quite versatile at a pinch, is not a proper winter topcoat. The Chesterfield coat is.

9. Cowboy boots: NO

cowboy hats: NO

cowboy shirts: probably not.

large belt buckles: only if you're: a cowboy, a rapper or David Beckham sever years ago.

10. Wearing a suit does not make you "a suit".

11. Wearing a bad suit or an incorrectly tailored suit or the same striped navy suit every day does.

12. There are NO bargains.

13. Everyone should own at least one bespoke suit.

14. Given that bespoke suits take two months to make and can cost up to a few thousands and really aren't at all that much better than an expensive, high-quality shop-bought suit, there's no need to own more than one.

15. Seercucker: Not to be worn by men under fifty or whose primary residence isn't immediately next to the county courthouse in a US Southern state.

16. When the exchange rate is right, it can be cheaper to buy a plane ticket, fly to Italy, and buy two suits there than to buy them at home. Plus, you get to go to Italy.

17. Other things to buy in Italy: Florentine leather goods, Tod's moccasins, a Moncler down jacket, Acqua di Parma cologne, and, the height of style, a really cool Vespa.

18. Cigars are never stylish in mixed company.

19. Smoking, while often fatal, offers many opportunities for the expression of style, notably Zippo Lighters.

20. Style affectations: cigarette case, hip flask, walking stick.

walking sticks are only acceptable when the age is Victorian and your name is Lawrence Talbot.

21. Woven silk ties generally look more luxurious than printed silk. * think Hermes and Kenzo

22. Does anyone still use tie pins?

23. Hats will make a comeback some day. It's not that day. Don't be the fedora-wearing douche.

24. Baseball caps are for getting the morning paper. And for baseball.

25. The best thing about Dress-Down friday is that it makes those who decline to observe it look really, really good.

26. Jack Kennedy wore polo shirts with suit jackets.

27. Jack Kennedy knew when to wear polo shirts with suit jackets.

28. The white shirt: Thomas Pink, Tom Ford, Charles Tyrwhitt.

29. Brogues will always beat oxfords.

30. Brogues: Grenson, Trickers, Loake, preferably anything that has the "British made" label. Don't go away from a pair of Prada brogues! It's just that the Brits understand brogues while the rest of the world adapt them.

31. Sixty-quid shoes last half as long as 120 quid shoes but 250-pound shoes will last you your whole life.

32. Two-hundred-and-fifty-pound shoes will not last a lifetime if one refuses to use a shoehorn.

33. Women notice shoes.

34. Best denim garments: PRPS, Dior Homme, Levi's, 7 for All Mankind.

35. Snakeskin shoes: No

36. Crocodile shoes: Doubtful

37. Your sunglasses should match not only your face, but your clothing.

38. Silver, stainless steel, and chrome watch straps go with everything.

39. It was once considered vulgar for a gentleman to wear a watch, since he might appear overly concerned about the passing of time.

40. A real Timex is better than a fake Rolex.

41. The best leather coats are those made with the fewest, largest pieces of hide.

42. Footwear: think Common Projects, Cesare Paciotti, Berluti, Tod's, Church's

43. Careful how you wear your moccasins: one item wrongly paired and you may end up looking like a Bulgarian drug dealer.

44. Absolute best waxed cotton jackets: Barbour and Belstaff

45. A bulging wallet is uncomfortable and bad for your trousers.

46. What to do should anyone call you a "dandy": Open wardrobe. Remove contents. Begin again.

47. Contrary to popular belief, a quirky nonconformity is not expressed through a Mickey Mouse watch or a Bugs Bunny tie, because, well, do you know how many tens of thousands of those things sell each year?

48. Likewise, wit or humour should never be expressed through your socks.

49. Once upon a time labels were worn only on the inside of clothes. Those were better times.

50. Some logos, however, are tolerable, mostly on sports clothing: Ralph Lauren's polo player and pony, Lacoste's crocodile, Fred Perry's crest, Paul&Shark's underwater predator, etc.

51. Umbrellas are like fancy gloves: Eventually you will end up losing them.

52. Unless you're a football star, never wear anything with your name on it.

53. Slim fitting clothes are for slim men.

54. Backpacks are for students and hikers.

55. Better a good, nylon canvas portfolio than a bad leather briefcase. A briefcase is to a man as a handbag is to a woman.

56. Despite the wickedly clever strategies developed by department stores to market such items each holiday season, do not purchase a Christmas tie. Nor - especially nor - clothing that emits Christmas music. Likewise there is little reason to wear green on St. Patrick's Day; red, white and blue on the Queen's birthday, or orange at Halloween.

57. Flat or waxed shoelaces stay tied far better than round unwaxed ones.

58. Men should always wear socks! Period.*

59. Exempt from the above: Italian men or men who look Italian enough to have that certain something that allows them to wear clothes that no normal men can wear without provoking laughter.

60. No one should wear clothing emblazoned with opinions or exhortations.

61. It is far better to arrive at an event overdressed than underdressed.

62. Sprezzatura refers to the Italian art of wearing an outfit effortlessly. Even to excess.

63. Funny underwear: NO. Funny underwear shall be defined as those garments including, but not limited to, neon-coloured briefs, boxers printed with lipstick kisses, the Playboy logo, or any style of skivvies whose fly zone is emblazoned with the phrase "Home of the Whopper".

64. Unpolished shoes are the bloodstained hands of style.

65. No man should dye his hair.

66. The black cashmere turtleneck looks good on everyone.

67. No level of fitness justifies wearing a tank top in public.

68. If you are well dressed on a plane and there is a flight delay or cancellation, the ticket agent will help you in a way that she wouldn't if you were in a tracksuit. The preceding principle also applies to the following situatons: At restaurants, in certain nightclubs, taxi-hailing and when being pulled over by a policeman.

69. Black tie is not the sort of dress with witch to get "creative".

70. When in doubt, wear black. On the other hand, wearing all black, all the time, is the transparent affectation of people who want to be seen as artsy, and who should just quit it. Seriously.

71. Skinny men can wear things fat men cannot.

72. Italian men, even fat Italian men, can wear things English men cannot.

73. Contrary to popular belief, not everybody looks better in black.

74. The use of a pocket handkerchief generally indicates a sophisticated level of dressing, as long as that handkerchief wasn't bought in a boxed set with a matching tie.

75. To everyone wearing sunglasses indoors: WHY ON EARTH WOULD YOU DO THAT?

76. Despite its presence on the label of every high-quality shirt (and many cheap ones as well)

, only a few insiders know what "single-needle tailoring" is.

77. Karl Lagerfeld doesn't look as good with that fan, those sunglasses, that trench coat, that make-up, that cigarette holder, or that ponytail as he thinks he does.

78. A man in a suit without a tie can get away with wearing loafers.

79. What you find at a factory outlet store is what other people refused to buy or what some marketing director thinks you will buy because you're the kind of person who shops at a factory outlet store.

80. One 600-pound suit is a better investment than two 300-pound suits.

81. Of course, clothes care not really "investments" because they cannot appreciate. They're clothes.

82. The only people who can wear coloured shirts with white collars are obscenely overpaid CEOs and Donald Trump.

83. And even they look ridiculous in them, but who's going to tell them?

84. If you hang your jacket on a chair and then sit on the chair and lean back, your jacket will look as if you hung it on a chair and then sat on the chair and leaned back.

85. Dress-Down Friday was invented to embarrass well-dressed men. However, really well-dressed men are not affected by this.

 86. We live in a time that allows the fashion conscious male to wear a pair of "joggers" without looking like a squatting slav in a tracksuit. Think a pair of blue Adidas originals trackpants teamed up with a crisp pair of white Stan Smith trainers and a simple white T-shirt from Sunspel. Add a quality denim or non-biker leather jacket for maximum modern coolness.

87. To follow slavishly every new fashion trend because it is fashionable and trendy is to reveal a profound insecurity, and that is not what style is about.